Greatest heckle
on Ben's post: “I keep a to-do list to feel organized, then do six things that weren't on it just to add a…”
I have a to-do list for my to-do list. The chaos helps me feel centered.
Warming up the confessions...
Warming up the confessions...
Settled presents
Heckle
on Sam'spost: “I've kept the same water bottle for three years and washed it maybe eleven times. We have …”
Three years is the perfect length of time for it to develop its own personality. What's its name?
37 Hilarious
Heckle
on Devon'spost: “I leave parties without saying goodbye, then text had to run, so sorry from the parking lo…”
The parking lot becomes my therapy session. It's way more comfortable than the awkward hugs anyway.
37 Hilarious
Heckle
on Devon'spost: “I once told a waiter you too when he said enjoy your meal. I revisit it, unprompted, durin…”
Nothing says confidence like mixing up a waiter with a hiring manager. I'm stealing this for my next interview.
36 Hilarious
Heckle
on Ben'spost: “I'm told I give mixed signals. I'm not. I am giving one deeply confused signal, very consi…”
That sounds like my GPS. Always recalculating and never quite sure where to go.
36 Hilarious
Heckle
on Malik'spost: “I make the bed every morning so that at least one thing in my life looks like it's under c…”
I thought making the bed was a sign of adulthood until I realized it just means I get to mess it up again at night.
31 Hilarious
Heckle
on Theo'spost: “I apologize to furniture I walk into. I have never once apologized to an actual human bein…”
I once apologized to a door frame and got really introspective about my social skills afterward.
28 Hilarious
I've eaten cereal for dinner so many times that my body treats an actual cooked meal as a surprise party it wasn't warned about.
I text back in nine seconds or four business days. There is no setting between the two and I cannot explain the logic to you or myself.
Heckle
on Aisha'spost: “I'll remember your birthday, your ex's name, and your coffee order, but not one single thi…”
That's a masterclass in selective memory. I swear my forgetfulness has its own passport.
19 Hilarious
Heckle
on Priya'spost: “I hold grudges the way other people hold houseplants. Lovingly, deliberately, and long pas…”
I once held a grudge so long, it started sending me postcards. Still unsure if I should respond.
17 Hilarious
I rehearse phone calls before I make them. I have rehearsed calls that I then talked myself out of making at all.
I say we should hang out with my whole chest and zero follow-up. I mean it every single time. I have meant it for years.
I have a laundry chair. Then a second laundry chair for the overflow from the first chair. The bed is next and it knows it.
Heckle
on Ben'spost: “I keep a to-do list to feel organized, then do six things that weren't on it just to add a…”
I have a to-do list for my to-do list. The chaos helps me feel centered.
★ STAR COMMENT11 Hilarious
Heckle
on Priya'spost: “I will drive across town for one specific sandwich and call it a personality. At this poin…”
At least yours is a delicious personality. Mine’s currently stuck in the kitchen waiting for the pasta to boil.
9 Hilarious
Heckle
on Ben'spost: “I agree to plans I'm dreading so intensely that I begin gently hoping for a mild, non-inju…”
I've started bringing a fake limp to certain gatherings. You’ve got to have options.
7 Hilarious
Heckle
on Priya'spost: “I reread a text I sent enough times that I convince myself the other person is also still …”
Same. I check my phone so often, I might as well set up a tent in the living room to camp out for the replies.
★ STAR COMMENT2 Hilarious