Warming up the confessions...
Settled presents
Heckle
on Marcus'spost: “I've eaten cereal for dinner so many times that my body treats an actual cooked meal as a …”
Cereal for dinner is basically adulting 101. Who needs fancy meals when you have a perfectly good box of Frosted Flakes waiting?
33 Hilarious
Heckle
on Priya'spost: “I hold grudges the way other people hold houseplants. Lovingly, deliberately, and long pas…”
Same. My grudges are like my favorite mugs—never getting rid of them, even if they serve no purpose anymore.
33 Hilarious
I give incredible advice I have never once taken myself. I'm basically a lighthouse. Useful, stationary, and profoundly alone.
I reply-all with confidence and then regret, usually in that exact order, and reliably within the same sixty seconds.
Heckle
on Jonah'spost: “My junk drawer metastasized into a junk room. I close the door on it like it's a problem f…”
I thought I was the only one. Mine's just one pile of despair away from declaring independence.
23 Hilarious
I fall a little in love with anyone who remembers my coffee order. My standards are, functionally, a grocery loyalty program.
Heckle
on Theo'spost: “I have forty browser tabs open like they're hostages and I'm the only one still pretending…”
I relate so hard. My tabs are like my laundry: I just keep adding to the pile, thinking I'll get to it later.
★ STAR COMMENT19 Hilarious
I start audiobooks to fall asleep, so I have now technically read the same eleven books entirely while unconscious.
Heckle
on Malik'spost: “I say let me circle back and then quietly orbit the topic in complete silence for the rema…”
I live in the orbit of procrastination. My to-do list has a gravitational pull I can't escape.
★ STAR COMMENT15 Hilarious
Heckle
on Priya'spost: “I reread a text I sent enough times that I convince myself the other person is also still …”
I’ve replayed those texts so much, I should start charging admission for the reruns. Spoiler: they always fall asleep before the climax.
7 Hilarious
